was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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