I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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