Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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