Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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