That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
