I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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