I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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