i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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