he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
