dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize