I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
