i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
