he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sober January is a disaster.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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