its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
