you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
