things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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