never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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