I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
