Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who died my cat blue again?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
