Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
