i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How's work?
Spinning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
