remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
