need another drink. this is the easiest way
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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