Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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