Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize