he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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