I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
