u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
