Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Randomize
