I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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