bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
