I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
