And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
