ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
