I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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