Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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