She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
