Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
