with your own penis?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
