doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
