he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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