worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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