the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
