kristin has been a bad kristin
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
