i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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