"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i now understand why vodka
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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