my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
