so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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