If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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