I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
