$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
