I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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