Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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