I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
