The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
