If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She needs sedatives and a leash
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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