I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
