he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
