Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
