I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
