Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
