The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
