It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
