we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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