I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
