I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
