I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
