4 words: hood of his car
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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