Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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