did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
