Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
