I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
