Ambien. No doubt about it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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