Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
